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                          THE AMIGA AND CREATION
  Steven Judd                          

Several schools of thought on this subject have developed over the years. 
Much progress has been made in this area more recently, and unanswered
questions remain, but an analysis of the subject is a currently maturing
field of study; I shall attempt to cover the salient points of current
analytical thought.

Let us begin with a typical human example:

    - System Operation:

        o Multitasking OS -- Most humans have the ability to pat their head
          and rub their stomach simultaneously(1).  Furthermore, the
          average human is able to multitask preemptively, as is
          clearly demonstrated by the fact that patting your head and
          rubbing your stomach causes little degradation in higher
          priority system tasks such as eyesight, breathing, hopping
          on one foot while turning in a circle, and singing "I'm Happy 
          Just To Dance With You" by The Beatles.  I have personally
          performed this experiment, and it is easily reproducable.

        o Custom processors for different subsystems -- the mere act of
          watching shows like "Knight Rider"(2) while eating potato chips
          demonstrates the allocation of independent resources to such
          tasks as visual, audio, I/O, etc.

        o Limited protection: Local failures may be contained, and
          sometimes fixed, but illegal accesses/modifications can bring the
          entire system to a halt.

        o Auto-configuring.  Put a pencil or a fork in your hands: the
          typical human automatically senses the hardware expansion, and 
          uses it accordingly.  Note that some hardware may be incompatible
          with individual systems, such as chopsticks(3), gender-
          specific items(4), etc.

    - Hardware features:

        o Built-in stereo sound
        o Standard speech capability
        o Easily expandable via hardware and software add-ons/upgrades.
        o Although individual upgrades are made, the same basic model
          has been used for thousands of years.
        o Commodore logo stamped on each unit (take a close look at
          your belly button sometime)

So by circumstantial deduction it is pretty clear that God uses/used an
Amiga for all His works.  But there is evidence elsewhere as well; first,
an affirmation of the binary number system:

    "But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever
     is more than these cometh of evil."

      Matthew 3:37 (KJB)

Note also that the entire Amiga history closely parallels the various
narratives on the life of Jesus, the most striking resemblance being the
Amiga's death to the passion narratives.  Think about it: here we have
something that was far ahead of its time, at first welcomed with praise but
later killed by those who originally embraced it, but even with the
physical entity of Commodore destroyed the spirit is alive and well, and
obvious examples of the Amiga and it's spirit are there for anyone with
eyes to see.

So it is immediately clear that God used/uses an Amiga for all of His
various works and activities.  What is not clear, and is currently the
subject of much scholarly debate, is what particular kind of Amiga He uses
(5) (6) (7).

Now, there is further evidence of what other computers were used for what
things.  First, take the story of Adam and Eve.  Presented with paradise,
they instead embraced temptation and suffered greatly for it, and causing
all subsequent generations to also suffer.  And what were they tempted
with?  An Apple.  And who tempted them with it?  Understanding comes,
slowly but surely.

We also have the following text:

    Matt 16:18 "... and upon this rock I will build by church; and
                the Gates of hell shall not prevail against it."

There is extensive literature devoted to this subject, so I will not go
into it here (8).

Oh yes, one more thing is clear: when God programmed the universe, He used
FORTRAN (9) (10).

AMIGA: God used it to create the universe: and you just thought the
"Kaliedescope" demo was cool.

AMIGA: The Computer For The Creative Mind; The Computer For The Creator's

AMIGA: Do you want to go to Hell or do you want to use an Amiga?

(Note to imaginary ESCOM people reading this message: if you want to use
the above slogans, please contact me).


(1) Weasel, Vole,, "Stability Criteria for Head Patting and
    Tummy Rubbing", Journal of Pointless Timewasting, vol. 9

(2) Callipygian, "Michael Knight: Modern Shakespearian Metaphor", 
    and "KITT: The New Automotive Voyeurism", unpublished.

(3) Smith,, "Chopsticks: Who The Hell Invented These Crazy
    Things?", What The Hell Is Up With This, vol. 13 Issue 5

(4) Smith,, "Why The Hell Don't Men Get To Wear Bras Even
    Though They Have Nipples?", What The Hell Is Up With This,
    vol. 13, Issue 7.

(5) Smegma, H.M.S., "God Uses An A1000", proceedings of comp.sys.
    amiga.advocacy, vol. 912

(6) Pluvial, "No he doesn't you stupid twink, He uses a 5000 with
    AAA", proceedings of comp.sys.amiga.advocacy, vol 3912

(7) Beelzebub, "Is Creator 1.1 available for the Mac?", proceedings
    of comp.sys.amiga.misc, vol. 216

(8) various, "Extensive Literature Devoted To The Subject Of Non-Amiga
    Computers And Their Banishing From Heaven So That I Don't Have To
    Go Into It Here", compiled by

(9) Unknown, "FORTRAN: God's language", Apocrypha.

(10) Compilation, "Emacs vs. vi -- What does God use?", OSF document
    No. 31415A-1