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==                         The Humor Department                          ==

A Piece by Eyal Teler

                     Star Trek - The Amiga Generation

  [ This episode deals mainly with Picard's attempts to come to terms with
the revelation that Q is his true, long lost, mother, adopted by the
Continuum when he was but a child, and still had hair. However, to prove
that this is not just a space soap opera, but actually a highly technical
futuristic series, the crew will also have to deal with a world on the
verge of disaster.
  When we join this episode, the Enterprise is hovering above a solid
yellow planet which is similar in looks to many other planets. ]

  Sitting down with a cup of Earl Jones tea, for that deep voice effect,
captain Gen-Lock Picard listened to the summary La-Forge has prepared.
  "...planet Commodore is therefore completely dry. The ecological disaster
brought by president Ali could cause the death of the entire Amigan
population. Natural reproduction has stopped completely, and there isn't
even enough water for a floor scrubber to work."
  Shock registered on the faces of all scrubber loving crew members.
  "Are there any large underground water deposits? We could then use the
phasers to solve the problem, as we did in the past."
  "I'm sorry, but we just can't use the same solution in two episodes.
We'll look as if we learn from experience.
  "On the other hand, work had already started more than half a year ago
to produce water using a concept similar to the one used by our
replicator. By using the Liquidators, as they are called, the Amigans have
hoped to solve the problem. Unfortunately, the process is taking longer
than anticipated."
  "Ohhhhh," cried Deanna suddenly, clutching her head.
  "Deanna, are you okay?"
  "I just felt a fluctuation in the Force, Lock, as if millions of people
have suddenly lost the will to be creative individuals, and decided to
join the great unwashed masses."
  "With this lack of water, it is no wonder they cannot get bathed,
  "Oh, shut up, Data. This is a serious matter. What does it mean,
  "Oh no, the voices, the voices, oh, what a world, what a world!"
  "I know what's happening."
  "Guinan, what are you doing here?"
  "I felt that disturbance in the Force, too. It's the Borg."
  "What have they done this time? Destroyed another couple of worlds?"
  "It's worse. They are life long enemies of the Amigans. The Amigans'
slogan was 'have an Amiga, have a friend', while the Borg's one was
'assimilate or die'. This battle of the slogans has gone on for ages.
  "Now with the weakening of the Amigans, the Borg manage to assimilate
people much more easily, with the use of their new slogan 'join the
Incredible Borg Monopoly world, and get built-in networking'."
  "That's terrible. Perhaps my mother will be able to do something."

  [ The episode continues with Picard trying to find out whether the
records about his mother confirm what the Q had so convincingly claimed,
and talking to his step mother, simulated by the holo-deck. Eventually,
his love-hate relationship with the Q convinces him that the Q is really
his mother.
  At the end of the episode we find out that the whole episode was staged
by the Q, including falsifying records, and simulating Picard's mother
simulation. Commodore's problems were just added by the Q so that he
doesn't get completely bored.
  Not much of a conclusion, is it? But then, what do you expect from Star
Trek - The Boring Generation? ]