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==oo Darkseid's Padded Cell By: Roger Boal oo==
You've heard their side
You've laughed at the Far Side
You've fallen on your backside
Now read the Darkseid
Things to do in the computer lab Part II
1) Give all your disks names, talk to them, treat them like people, when
one gets a virus ask the technician for the name of a good doctor, draw
faces on them all.
2) Keep a loaded mousetrap beside your mouse, explain that it keeps the
mouse on its toes (You too I suppose)
3) Make a cut out for your monitor that looks like something else, for
example a christmas face, or better yet one which makes your monitor
look like a TV set complain loudly that you cant get Mtv...
4) When somebody isnt looking swipe the ball out of their mouse and watch
the frustration as they track and track and the poor little cursor wont
move about guranteed to produce another sort of cursor, if asked
explain that sometimes the little man who lives in the mouse goes on
5) Take the magnetic disk out of a floppy, reseal th e case, now try to
use the disk in a machine. Complain that the stupid machine wont read
your disk repeat on several machines, when confronted with the truth
deny everything and state that the first damn machine must've eaten it
when you werent looking.
6) Ask someone which key is the 'any' key (press any key to continue)
7) When about to print shout incoming and run to thw far side of the room,
works best if you have a fast or very loud printer
8) When starting up from a cold boot, keep pressing some keys, pretty soon
the buffer fills up and you end up with a beeping tone, the more you
press the more you beep, try and communicate with others using only
these beeps, two or more people beeping will drive the whole lab nuts,
trying playing a tune eg When the saints go marching in beep beep beep
beep, beeep etc etc etc
9) Cackle loudly when the windows logo pops up, it makes people nervous
When the hourglass icon pops up ask a technician for a key so you can
wind the clockwork up agin..
10) Every 2 minutes turn round and smile at the technician, itll make em
11) Verbally say CLICK as you click with the mouse, when dragging something
make a noise like an areoplane Vrnnmmmmmmmmm
12) Everytime someone isnt looking move their keyboard an inch to the left
13) Bring a portable drill in with you, if anyone asks just smile....
14) Turn the brightness & contrast way down when you leave a machine, the
power is on and everythings connecte d but no picture, it'll drive them
nuts, esp if you do it to someones machine whilst they're not looking /
out of the room
15) Email someone famous and offer to tell them something scandalous about
someone closely connected to them.....
16) Everytime the hourglass pops up time it in a loud voice, one second two
17) Alter the windows screen resolution to its highest possible setting,
the result is very small screens which you cant read that well esp with
18) This needs an accomplace, set your email address as a forwarding
mailshot, sending it to your partner, get them to set their email to
forward mail to your address, result you can bring a server down in
less than 3 minutes and a whole net in 10. Only snag is you'll
probably get caught and lose all your priveleges.....
19) Everytime you press return mutter Hah !
20) Learn to drum type, type in a rhythmic clattering pattern ie sound like
Nine Inch Nails
21) Everytime you use a peice of Microsoft Software mutter about sheep
chainsaws and Bill gates in an evil little voice.
22) Every time you logout and turn off say Hah, got you that time
23) Any time you get a supervisor request, demand they submit it in writing
24) Any time your supervisor is in the room, leave and as you walk past
say, hah didnt catch me that time
25) Pretend to have amnesia, you cant remember how turn use a computer ask
the nice supervisior to guide you through it and at the end ask them wh
at happened to the little yellow guy in the maze.
26) Sneeze on your screen and leave it there
27) Remap the keyboard to russian or arabic, very confusing
28) Lock the default for windows into symbol, if anyone asks you why reply
that its much easier to read and ask if they cant understand what it
says on the screen....
29) Everytime you press a key pretend to get a static shock, yelps are
30) Paint all your fingernails a different colour, when asked, say it remi
nds you which finger to type with on which day of the week, then add it
also reminds you which finger to pick your nose with.
Things to do in the real world, that freak people out
1) Label all your socks with your name in big black biro
2) Hide some of you clothes in flat mates wardrobe/drawers, when they wear
that article of clothing jump on them for it
3) This one takes time but.... Move all your flatmates furniture around
start small, move a table a few inches to the left, move books from one
side of the room to the other, gradually build up, move their bed,
eventually rearrange all the furniture in their room, deny everything.
4) Rush into a bedroom, haul the matress off the bed, prop it up against
the window and dive under the bed yelling duck and cover
5) Hide some snacks in a sealable plastic bag at the bottom of the bin
when your flat/room mate is in the same room, announce your hungry then
root around in the bin, palm some of the snacks, exclaim excitedly
commence eating, guaranteed to gross out
6) Anytime your flat mate cuts some vegetables shout murderer and run
crying from the room
7) Drink lots of cans of cola, something like 'Jolt' is best (it has 2
times more caffeine than anything else). Number all the cans and stack
them in the middle of the room, when questioned yell thats its none of
their business and youre we ll within youre constitutional rights
8) Mail a banana with your name and address written on it in pen, see what
state its in when it gets back, if asked where it came from reply you
have a cousin in Brazil who sends you them from time to time. Also try
this with Eggs and Melons, dont wrap them and write your full address,
on sticky label if need be, you may need to use glue to affix the
stamp(s). Work up see whats the largest messily destructible thing you
can send by post (hint Biscuits are cool ;) )
9) E-mail Jason and ask about the new floor scrubber...... ;)
10) Buy a rubber duck and carry it around w ith you..... General weirdness
is good for you look where the muppets got Jim Henson.......