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==oo  Darkseid's Padded Cell                           By: Roger Boal  oo==

You've heard their side
You've laughed at the Far Side
You've fallen on your backside
Now read the Darkseid

Things to do in the computer lab Part II

1)  Give all your disks names, talk to them, treat them like people, when
    one gets a virus ask the technician for the name of a good doctor, draw
    faces on them all.

2)  Keep a loaded mousetrap beside your mouse, explain that it keeps the
    mouse on its toes (You too I suppose)

3)  Make a cut out for your monitor that looks like something else, for
    example a christmas face, or better yet one which makes your monitor
    look like a TV set complain loudly that you cant get Mtv...

4)  When somebody isnt looking swipe the ball out of their mouse and watch
    the frustration as they track and track and the poor little cursor wont
    move about guranteed to produce another sort of cursor, if asked
    explain that sometimes the little man who lives in the mouse goes on

5)  Take the magnetic disk out of a floppy, reseal th e case, now try to
    use the disk in a machine.  Complain that the stupid machine wont read
    your disk repeat on several machines, when confronted with the truth
    deny everything and state that the first damn machine must've eaten it
    when you werent looking.

6)  Ask someone which key is the 'any' key  (press any key to continue)

7)  When about to print shout incoming and run to thw far side of the room,
    works best if you have a fast or very loud printer

8)  When starting up from a cold boot, keep pressing some keys, pretty soon
    the buffer fills up and you end up with a beeping tone, the more you
    press the more you beep, try and communicate with others using only
    these beeps, two or more people beeping will drive the whole lab nuts,
    trying playing a tune eg When the saints go marching in beep beep beep
    beep, beeep etc etc etc

9)  Cackle loudly when the windows logo pops up, it makes people nervous
    When the hourglass icon pops up ask a technician for a key so you can
    wind the clockwork up agin..

10) Every 2 minutes turn round and smile at the technician, itll make em

11) Verbally say CLICK as you click with the mouse, when dragging something
    make a noise like an areoplane Vrnnmmmmmmmmm

12) Everytime someone isnt looking move their keyboard an inch to the left
    or right

13) Bring a portable drill in with you, if anyone asks just smile....

14) Turn the brightness & contrast way down when you leave a machine, the
    power is on and everythings connecte d but no picture, it'll drive them
    nuts, esp if you do it to someones machine whilst they're not looking /
    out of the room

15) Email someone famous and offer to tell them something scandalous about
    someone closely connected to them.....

16) Everytime the hourglass pops up time it in a loud voice, one second two
    seconds etc

17) Alter the windows screen resolution to its highest possible setting,
    the result is very small screens which you cant read that well esp with
    terminal packages

18) This needs an accomplace, set your email address as a forwarding
    mailshot, sending it to your partner, get them to set their email to
    forward mail to your address, result you can bring a server down in
    less than 3 minutes and a whole net in 10.  Only snag is you'll
    probably get caught and lose all your priveleges.....

19) Everytime you press return mutter Hah !

20) Learn to drum type, type in a rhythmic clattering pattern ie sound like
    Nine Inch Nails

21) Everytime you use a peice of Microsoft Software mutter about sheep
    chainsaws and Bill gates in an evil little voice.

22) Every time you logout and turn off say Hah, got you that time

23) Any time you get a supervisor request, demand they submit it in writing

24) Any time your supervisor is in the room, leave and as you walk past
    say, hah didnt catch me that time

25) Pretend to have amnesia, you cant remember how turn use a computer ask
    the nice supervisior to guide you through it and at the end ask them wh
    at happened to the little yellow guy in the maze.

26) Sneeze on your screen and leave it there

27) Remap the keyboard to russian or arabic, very confusing

28) Lock the default for windows into symbol, if anyone asks you why reply
    that its much easier to read and ask if they cant understand what it
    says on the screen....

29) Everytime you press a key pretend to get a static shock, yelps are
    quite disconcerting

30) Paint all your fingernails a different colour, when asked, say it remi
    nds you which finger to type with on which day of the week, then add it
    also reminds you which finger to pick your nose with.

Things to do in the real world, that freak people out

1)  Label all your socks with your name in big black biro

2)  Hide some of you clothes in flat mates wardrobe/drawers, when they wear
    that article of clothing jump on them for it

3)  This one takes time but....  Move all your flatmates furniture around
    start small, move a table a few inches to the left, move books from one
    side of the room to the other, gradually build up, move their bed,
    eventually rearrange all the furniture in their room, deny everything.

4)  Rush into a bedroom, haul the matress off the bed, prop it up against
    the window and dive under the bed yelling duck and cover

5)  Hide some snacks in a sealable plastic bag at the bottom of the bin
    when your flat/room mate is in the same room, announce your hungry then
    root around in the bin, palm some of the snacks, exclaim excitedly
    commence eating, guaranteed to gross out

6)  Anytime your flat mate cuts some vegetables shout murderer and run
    crying from the room

7)  Drink lots of cans of cola, something like 'Jolt' is best (it has 2
    times more caffeine than anything else).  Number all the cans and stack
    them in the middle of the room, when questioned yell thats its none of
    their business and youre we ll within youre constitutional rights

8)  Mail a banana with your name and address written on it in pen, see what
    state its in when it gets back, if asked where it came from reply you
    have a cousin in Brazil who sends you them from time to time.  Also try
    this with Eggs and Melons, dont wrap them and write your full address,
    on sticky label if need be, you may need to use glue to affix the
    stamp(s).  Work up see whats the largest messily destructible thing you
    can send by post (hint Biscuits are cool ;) )

9)  E-mail Jason and ask about the new floor scrubber......  ;)

10)  Buy a rubber duck and carry it around w ith you.....  General weirdness
     is good for you look where the muppets got Jim Henson.......