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==                         The Humor Department                          ==

The following is a compilation of the IRC Jcompton Scrubber Purchase
conference held on 10-27-94 (CST).  The content has been edited, removing
non-conference material.  The messages regarding the subject of the
conferences remain intact and unedited except for format to make reading

Thanks to Kosh, aka Robert Fentiman, for starting the whole thing.

[ Some intitial argument about who rightfully gets the Scrubber ]

<jcompton> I was the first one to make the floor scrubber famous.  Hence, I
           get it.

* Wolverine wants jason to clean my toliet w/ the scrubber

<jcompton> Wolverine: I don't do the scrubbing, I just own the merchandise.

<Kosh> Do you rent?

<jcompton> Kosh: Well, initial floor scrubbing policy will focus on the
           markets we've done well in in the past.  We'd be willing to
           license the floor scrubber policy to distributors in other
           countries, though.

<Kosh> What sort of hardware are we looking at?  Basic model, or one with
       lots of extras?

<jcompton> Kosh: We can't forget the low-end mop market that's been the
           mainstay, but our high-end users would be disappointed if we
           discontinued our more expandable floor scrubbing models.

<Kosh> What about marketing?  - I hope you plan to market it better than C=

<jcompton> Kosh: No question.  Commodore was too proprietary with their
           floor scrubber.  We're seriously considering a completely
           Open-Soap policy.

<Kosh> Do you see the Scrubber taking a lead over the compeditors, and can
       you talk about any proposed advancements?  And what do you plan on
       calling the new Scrubber company?

<jcompton> Kosh: We may not be able to beat the clone scrubber companies
           right away, but we're going to aggressively market not only in
           magazines but with competitive profit-sharing programs with
           janitorial supply distributors.

<jcompton> Kosh: Most of the improvements are contingent on developing a
           new OS for the GBR (Gobsmacking Battery Recharge) chipset we
           plan to implement for our next-generation scrubbers.

<jcompton> Kosh: The name isn't finalized yet, but we're considering
           Scrubber International or Scrubbing Technologies, Ltd.

<Kosh> Do you plan on limiting market to C='s strongest ones (IE, the UK)
       or do you plan immediate worldwide exposure?

<jcompton> Kosh: As I stated earlier, we feel we need to focus first on the
           markets we've done best in, but we certainly can't rule out any,

<Kosh> Won't other markets feel ignored, and what do you propose to do to
       ensure a future in the weaker markets before the "clones" take them
       for good?

<jcompton> Kosh: Marketing, marketing, marketing.  We plan to show the
           public the areas where our scrubbers excel.  We've got snapshots
           of 14,000 car dealership floors ready to go to print as soon as
           the buyout is successful.

<Kosh> Are you able to tell the IRC readers out there anything about the if
       any), or are they silent partners?

<jcompton> kosh: They are silent partners.  All I can tell you is that one
           of them is a major detergent manufacturer.

<Kosh> Where do you plan to have your factory and management based, and how
       soon can we expect the product line to start up again?

<jcompton> Kosh: Manufacturing agreements are tentatively set in Iowa and
           Hungary.  We feel that the locations will be optimal for
           distributing our product.  We hope to have new models available
           for Valentine's Day.

<jcompton> The ad guys have a tentative slogan for the new releases..."Take
           your honey for a spin and scrub." It's still rough, but

<jcompton> We're also giving serious thought to painting Amy the Squirrel
           on both sides of the new models, but Schwartz hasn't returned
           our calls yet.

<Kosh> Is there anything you wish to say to the IRC readers out there
       before the interview is done?

<jcompton> Kosh: Sure.  We're ready to do whatever it takes to ensure the
           future of the floor scrubber.  It's been a bumpy ride, but with
           everyone's help, we can have a terrific future.

[Moderator interjection] It's the IRC/Jcompton conference on the Floor
                         Scrubber Purchase... please type ? to ask a 

<c0w> Do you plan on sticking with the GGG series of motor contruction, or

<jcompton> c0w: GGG is a technology that we feel, at this point, won't be
           enough to combat the competition's offerings.  But if we can get
           it to market quickly and cheaply, it may have a future as the
           mid-end machine we've always lacked.

<Kosh> Well I thank you for the very informative interview.  Are you able
       to stick around for some questions presented by some guests?

<c0w> j: yes, but if we get rid of GGG thewnn will the alternative be
      downwardly compatible with the older detergents?

<jcompton> c0w: It's likely that floor scrubber users will need some major
           retooling of their scrubbing habits and patterns.

<harv> jason what the hell is it with you and floor scrubbers.  you're
       getting compulsive about this.  we may have to send you for
       professional help

<jcompton> harv: I'm establishing a legend.  Or at least, trying very hard.
           Actually, this whole thing wasn't my idea.

<c0w> j: what type of dome light will be used on the new models?

<jcompton> c0w: It's too early to think about that sort of thing.  It'll be
           up to the design team.

<harv> jason be sure to see invasion of the body snatchers, early 80s
       re-make.  excellent floorscrubber scene in it

<jcompton> harv: Hehehe...right now I'm just enjoying the brief glimpse
           Haynie gets of it in Deathbed Vigil.

<harv> hmm.. i gotta get that tape

<c0w> j: Yes, but this is very urgent!!  Will it even BE a floor scrubber
      if it uses some new weird type of detergent?

<jcompton> c0w: We're not going to change the things that have made our
floor scrubbers great in the past.

<c0w> j: Thank goodness!

<Kosh> The scrubber "clones" seem to work on the basis that "faster is
       better"...  do you plan to adopt this philosophy, or continue the
       multi co-scrubber design?

<jcompton> Kosh: We can't rule out allowing users of other floor scrubbers
           to feel at home on ours, but at the same time, we have to keep
           up the sort of things that make us stand out.

<c0w> j: I feel that speed is overrated, if we use multiple brushes then we
      will get much higher performance than a very fast model that uses a
      single brush.

<jcompton> c0w: The brushes will continue to work in tandem.  We're even
           working on making all of them animated.

<c0w> j: what about rtd (re-targetable detergent)?

<jcompton> c0w: RTD is one of our top priorities.  We have to stop
           punishing users for using high-end detergents.

<Kosh> Are you offering a better support line for 3rd party developers and

<jcompton> Kosh: Of course.  Accessories are what really make the machine.

<Kosh> And what about owners of older Scrubbers that want to upgrade?

<jcompton> Kosh: We'll have to keep a competitive upgrade plan in order to
           keep existing users happy.