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Reprinted without permission from the Wall Streak Journal]


                         BY MCDONALD'S CORPORATION

The Bahamas -- October 18, 1994 -- Bankrupt computer manufacturer Commodore
International, former makers of the "Amiga" multimedia computer, was
purchased outright in a surprise move last night by McDonald's Corporation.
Previous bidders CEI and Commodore UK are reportedly "stunned" and
consulting their legal departments in an effort to block the purchase

"We've had our eyes on Commodore for a long time," said Robert Burger,
official spokesperson for McDonald's.  "For years, we've been thinking of
expanding our operations into the computer market, and now we're ready to
start cooking."

Burger said that McDonald's first product based on Amiga technology will be
a new game console.  Nicknamed "The McNugget", this sizzling new 32-bit
console will feature great graphics and superb sound.  In addition, every
time you beat the high score on your machine, coupons for free burgers and
shakes will be printed from the console's serial port.  Unlike many
existing consoles, the McNugget will not have a CD-ROM drive.  Instead, it
will use a new, proprietary data disc called the "Patty." Patties are
placed into the McNugget's data drawer (known as the "Bun"), and data is
literally broiled onto its surface for later retrieval.  This unique
technology is known as EORM, or "Eat Once Regurgitate Many."

Another technology advance is McDonald's new speech synthesizer, designed
to take the place of the Narrator Device that was removed from AmigaDOS
after version 2.04.  The technology is in the development stages, however,
and still contains several bugs.  For example, at the end of every
sentence, instead of pausing, the voice adds, "Would you like fries with

To the relief of Amigans worldwide, all existing Amiga products will be
reintroduced to the market with new names.  Watch for the Mc4000, Mc1200,
and other products to appear around Christmas of this year.  As for the
rumored Amiga 5000, it is slated to appear under the McDonald's logo by the
middle of next year.  "We searched for a long, long time to find a clever,
catchy name for the new machine that would embody both computing power and
begin with 'Mc'.  We finally settled on 'McIntosh.'" Apple's lawyers are
reportedly wearing ritual clothing and performing pre-lawsuit dances.


|Dan Barrett - Computer Science Dept, University of MA, Amherst, MA 01003 |
|   - |

Copyright 1994 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
entirety.  It may not be included in any publication without the written
permission of the author.  So nyaaah.