Contents | < Browse | Browse >

/// The Humor Department           Jokes, Quotes, Insults, Shameless Plugs

From the local Omaha Echo on FidoNet

To  : All
Subj: Florida Tourist Season

As some of you may know, the recent rash of tourist killings in 
Florida has resulting in the hiring of a Public Relations firm to 
try and keep the tourists coming.

Here is an advanced copy of one of their brochures.  Try and 
visualize it in the form of a glossy flyer, with lots of pictures 
of happy hunters enjoying the new sport.


                     Miami:  Big Game Hunters Paradise

Tired of hunting the big cats in Nairobi?  Can't get a permit for the Elk 
in Montana?  Bored with the lack of danger in the more traditional targets?  
Now you can hunt a big game that is just as dangerous as you, yet still easy 
to find.  Yes, you too can hunt the dreaded "Tourist Preditus".  And, best 
of all, hunting from your rental car is both legal and recommended.

As with any organized hunting expedition, there are a few rules to comply 
with.  The first, of course, is that your bag limit is four.  This is to 
ensure that enough big game is left for other visitors.  There is no season, 
and no difference between male and female predators.

Due to the presence of non-game species, and the difficulty of identifying 
the game from the non-game, a safari guide is highly recommended.  As a 
general rule, though, game animals are those that will be also hunting you, 
and can often be found in packs roving around other, non-hunting tourists.

One common hunting technique utilized by your game is that of "bumping" the 
prey gently with a car, then shooting and robbing the prey when it stops.  
This can be used to identify your game.  After allowing the "bumping" to cause 
you to stop, you can easily drop all of your game animals with a minimum of 
danger if you are using several hunters in a blind configured to look like a 
rental car.  Florida law, however, requires that the predator must get the 
first shot, so body armor is recommended for the driver and any front seat 

Taxidermy services are available for those who wish, although some countries 
may have restrictions on the import of your stuffed and mounted game.  As a 
general rule, the animals you will be hunting carry many forms of parasites, 
so proper disease control is important.  The recommended form of trophies are 
pictures, with souvenir necklaces made from the spent shell casing appealing 
to some hunters.

Florida law does have sever penalties for taking of non-predator species, so 
please ensure that your marksmanship is up to the task before hunting.  Your 
safari guide can provide other legal tips which may be needed.