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/// Another Moronic, Inane and Gratuitous Article
    by Chad Freeman
    ( or -- Internet)
    (cfreeman -- BIX)

     Well, after a short two-week vacation, your fearless author is back, and
with a new computer to boot.  Yes, that's right, after my trusty old A2000
started sounding like a weed-whacker, I decided it was time to trade him in for
a new model.  Because of the overwhelming significance of this event in your
humble author's life, he has directed the AMIGA Mis-Testing Labs (AMTL) to delay
their review of the Implant so that their crack technical team can review...


     When AMTL first received the A1200 from a local dealer (yes, AMTL
_DOES_ have a local dealer, Mega-Bytes in Pleasant Hills, PA; 412-653-9050
(<shameless plug>), we were impressed with the patriotic red, white and blue
packaging. Upon arriving at the AMTL compound, we were even more impressed
when opening of the package revealed a CPU made in the Phillipines, a mouse
and power supply made in Malaysia, and a manual that was printed in one of
a dozen or so foreign countries.  It is good to see Commodore continuing
this time-honored American tradition, even though many other businesses have
abandoned the idea.

     Aside from the CPU, power supply, "dove bar" style mouse, and
reversible picture of Jim Gould and Bill "WindoWiener" Gates in dart-board
shape, AMTL found two manuals, a surprisingly small amount of styrofoam, the
usual amounts of poly bags and twisties, several sheets of paper either laid
in the box or stuffed into the aforementioned manuals, an RCA cable and an
old-fashioned cable/tv box. It gave AMTL a feeling of nostalgia to see this
old manual-switch box with the 300 ohm "crab claw" style connector.  It took
us back to the old Atari 800 and C-64 days, from whose overproduction runs
these obviously came.

     After carefully reading the setup instructions (yeah right), AMTL
plugged the necessary cables, cords, devices and thingamabobs into the "CPU
unit with integral keyboard" and powered up the system.  After an
agonizingly long period of time, AMTL finally realized it had left the
power strip turned off and after rectifying this error (this really should
be mentioned in the documentation) the unit came on and began to boot up.

     What happened next was dull and boring, so AMTL will not (unlike most
other reviewers) go into the details.  Instead, we will present the results
of our various tests in handy-dandy table format.

     TEST                          RESULT                        RATING
     Power on                      OK                            5 stars
     Boot up                       OK                            5 stars
     Idle                          OK                            5 stars
     Power off                     OK                            5 stars

     AMTL realizes these tests are incomplete, but in the short amount of
time we were working with, we were unable to put the A1200 through its true
paces.  However, based on the testing we have done as summarized above, we
give the A1200 5 stars, our "good" rating (we go from 1 to 7.432 stars, or
the number of hogsheads in a rod and 2 bushels...don't you love the English
measurement system?).  If we did have the time to _really_ work over the
A1200, I'm sure our rating would be suitably higher, because after all we
spent $480 bucks on this thing, and it would be kind of stupid if we didn't
like it, right?

                               END OF REVIEW

     Well, thank you AMTL for a somewhat useless and moderately humorous
review.  But now on to the REAL business of AMIGA, which is, um, uh, well, I
guess we don't HAVE a real business, do we?  I mean, this is SUPPOSED to be
Moronic, Inane and Gratuitous, right?  After all, how else are we supposed
to fool people into believing that the title of our article isn't just a
clever reverse-engineered acronym?  Well great, then, that review was pretty
inane, so I guess we're just about finished here.  All that's left is...


     'Our philosophy behind designing Windoze was simple:  make it eat up as
     many system resources as possible and fill it with lots of colorful
     graphics so people really DO believe its more powerful that a TI-81
     graphing calculator!'

                         -Bill Gates in his 1992 stockholders address